I'm finally coming up for air enough to realize that we're really doing this, REALLY for REAL. I've been plugging away at to-do lists and plans and trying to stay present in the moment as I go, but I am turning the talked-about, prayed-over, yearned-for dream into the true story of my life. My spirit, in this 36 year-old body, is going to sea in a 32-foot boat.
We plan to leave 2 weeks from today and our marina friends have promised to untie our dock lines whether we think we're ready or not. I've had more than one moment (in the middle of my own sort of transition) when I've been pretty sure I can't do it.
I know you're supposed to take each moment as it comes and that I have the skills and fortitude to handle each moment of our trip. I know I'm not supposed to sweat the small stuff (and it's all small stuff). I know we've planned and fixed and list-ed ourselves half to death to do this thing, but none of that can negate the natural fears and self doubt connected to turning a life upside down in pursuit of a dream.
I was driving to my regular Tuesday morning meeting, along a well-worn route, in my familiar car when I finally named the fear. I'm pretty sure I can't do this.
Can I really leave the comforts of home for the hot, sticky, dirty, wet, messy life at sea?
Can I really live without weekly (or even daily) contact with these people I love so much?
Can I really stay patient, kind, and sane while navigating the new coastline, the new language, the new cultures, the new everything?
I'm not at all sure I can do this.
And just that fast, the truth spoke back, "Maybe that's not a bad thing."
For years now, I've awakened confident that I can handle my day. Oh, I have bad days, of course, and circumstances that blindside me. But I've found a relaxed routine that fits m
The voices of my encouraging friends, the voices (well, blogs and facebook pages, anyway) of those who've gone before me, the still, small voice in my own spirit all say that (with quite a bit of help) I can do this hard, amazing, beautiful thing.
Nearly all women have a moment in labor, right in the middle of transition, when they think they can't do it. The lucky ones have someone nearby to say, "Yes, but you are."
Thanks for the note about transitions. I have learned in life that transitions are challenging, and inevitable. We experienced MANY transitions in the process of having you Beth and now along comes another. We CAN do this one too. Love you DadReplyDelete
Have a great trip, Bethany. I admire your strength and courage, and will look forward to reading about all your adventures!ReplyDelete